As a clinical psychologist, I often meet families trying to juggle the needs of both neurodivergent and neurotypical children.

While much attention naturally goes to the child with autism or ADHD, their siblings can sometimes feel overlooked or even hard done by.

It’s not uncommon for these siblings to feel a mixture of emotions—love and pride, but also frustration, resentment, or even guilt. As a parent, you might worry about whether you're giving all your children the attention they need. The good news is that with the right support, siblings can develop resilience, empathy, and a strong relationship with their neurodivergent brother or sister.
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How Having a Neurodivergent Sibling Can Feel

Siblings of autistic or ADHD children often experience:

• Feeling overlooked – It’s easy for them to feel as though their needs come second, simply because their sibling might require more time and support.
• A sense of responsibility – Some siblings take on a caring role, which can feel overwhelming at times.
• Embarrassment or isolation– They may struggle with how their sibling’s behaviour is perceived in public or among their friends.
• Frustration or resentment – They might feel it's unfair that their sibling gets more attention or different rules.
• Guilt – If they feel annoyed or wish for more independence, they may feel guilty for having those emotions.

These feelings are completely normal, and acknowledging them is the first step in offering support.
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Ways to Support Siblings of Neurodivergent Children

1. Make Time for One-to-One Attention

Even if life feels chaotic, carving out dedicated time with each child helps them feel valued. Whether it’s a short chat before bed, a trip to the park, or a weekend activity, this time helps reinforce that they matter too.

2. Create a Space Where They Can Express Their Feelings

Let them know it’s okay to feel a range of emotions. Encourage honest conversations without judgement, reassuring them that their feelings—both positive and negative—are valid.

3. Help Them Understand Their Sibling’s Condition

Providing age-appropriate explanations about autism or ADHD can help them make sense of their sibling’s behaviour and build empathy. Books, videos, or even simple analogies can make a big difference.

4. Be Fair, Not Just Equal

Fairness doesn’t always mean treating siblings exactly the same. While your neurodivergent child may need different approaches, it’s important to ensure that all children feel they are getting what they need emotionally and practically.

5. Encourage Their Own Interests and Friendships

Siblings should have the freedom to pursue their own hobbies and social lives without always having to accommodate their brother or sister. Giving them the space to be themselves is vital.

6. Connect Them with Other Siblings in Similar Situations

Sometimes, talking to another child who understands their experiences can be incredibly helpful. Support groups for siblings of autistic or ADHD children can provide reassurance and a sense of belonging.
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Young Carers Support in Kent

If your child provides emotional or practical support for their neurodivergent sibling, they may be recognised as a young carer and entitled to additional help.
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Support Services for Young Carers in Kent

Imago Young Carers Service – Offers respite, social groups, and emotional support for young carers across Kent.

Website: www.imago.community

Phone: 0300 111 1110

Kent Young Carers – Provides peer support, activities, and advice for young carers.

Website: www.kentyoungcarers.org.uk

Phone: 0300 030 9000

Carers’ Trust – A national organisation supporting young carers with online resources and local services.

Website: www.carers.org

If you think your child could benefit from young carers’ support, you can reach out to these organisations or speak to their school for guidance.
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Final Thoughts

Balancing the needs of all your children isn’t easy, but recognising and addressing how siblings feel can make a world of difference. By giving them space to talk, offering dedicated attention, and connecting them with support networks, you can help them feel valued and understood.

If you're concerned about how a sibling is coping, consider reaching out to a school counsellor, young carers’ service, or family therapist. Every child in your family deserves to feel seen, heard, and supported.